August 27, 2009

How Divorced Women Become Their Own Worst Enemy

Filed under: Change,Good Habits — Tags: , — Christia @ 11:54 am

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. It’s true!

We get all motivated to make a big change in our life, but we seem to hit a wall just when we think we can’t fail.

Usually that wall is You! When we visualize making big changes in our lives, we forget to change everything else in our daily routine that would sabotage our success. Habits that we have acquired over the years that seem harmless. Watching TV (even if it’s CNBC), shopping, running errands – insert your habit here.

A New Life requires new habits. Obviously your old habits didn’t encourage change before. So you have to change those old habits.

Start spending your time on activities that help you accomplish your Big Change. Focus. Research. Visualize. Reinforce.

Most big changes in life require new skills. Work on them. New habits. Work on them. New mind set. Work on it.

See it!  Live it!  Be it!

Don’t stand in your own way. The rest of the world will be glad to do that for you.

Use the CPR Approach – Consistence, Persistence and Resistance! It is in your control. Like Jeff Herring says, “be consistent in your actions, persistent in your drive and resistant to set backs and all those who may tell you that you can’t do it.”

Just make sure that with this new change in life, you create new productive habits to support it.

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


August 26, 2009

How Divorced Women Survive Change

Filed under: Change,Happy,Learning — Tags: , , — Christia @ 11:40 am

Once change starts…things are never the same again.

It never fails, once changed has been initiated, your world is altered forever.

No matter how much you fight it, or try to explain it away, the reality is that it will never go back to “when it was good” or the way it was before.

We try so hard to keep things from changing in our world, especially when it is what we thought we wanted, or needed, in our life.  What we need to accept is that change happens for a reason. Somehow, someone in your world isn’t happy with the way things are. They initiate the change. And you have to deal with it.

A wisdom I’ve learned over the years is to “go with the flow.” The times I have tried to fight the inevitable, I’ve always lost. Even if I think I’ve won, things never go back to the way they were. Feelings are changed forever. Maybe not drastically, but its definitely different.

Sometimes it feel like you are getting bombarded with a lot of changes all at once. It’s exhausting! That’s when you need to get more sleep. Try to remain calm. Exercise. Breath! Do whatever you derive comfort from. It’s also important to remind yourself  what’s really important in life.

The smoother we can handle these times of transition, the sooner it will be over. Fighting prolongs the pain of change. Accepting the new conditions shortens the recovery period.

Acceptance is the key. Choose to respond in a positive way. Make the most of the situation, what ever it is. Don’t participate in the negative. This too will pass. Life will settle back down, and you will be happy again.

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


August 13, 2009

Don’t Despair, Just Be Happy!

Filed under: Emotional balance,Happy — Tags: , — Christia @ 11:17 am

As wrong as it is, bad things happen to everybody.

Being the control freaks/problem solvers we are, we think we could or should have been able to prevent this stab in the heart, whatever form it takes. We over analyze the signs we should have seen, or how we could have planned ahead to avoid the dreaded outcome.

Reality is we can’t! No matter how hard we try to control everything in our world to keep negative things from happening, they still do. As long as other people are involved in the equation, you do not have the ultimate control. All of their “baggage” can’t help but seep into their interaction with other people, and there you are, effected by other peoples’ “stuff.” They’ve had a whole other life happen long before you were exposed to them, and you don’t know where they’ve been!

The sooner you face this, the happier your life will be. The sooner you embrace the idea of going with the flow, the healthier and less stressful your existence will be. All you can control is how you choose to respond to what happen to you. That is in your control.

You can choose to respond with a positive attitude, and make sure things turn out in the best way possible, or you can wallow in self pity, pout… still not changing anything… and prolong the misery. Your Choice!

There is an instant freedom in this reality. Once you accept the fact that you are not responsible for what happens to everything and everyone in your life, you think about things differently. Your creative juices flow free and clear again. You don’t take everything so personally. Your ability to choose a positive response becomes much easier. You don’t have the burden of the world on your shoulders anymore. You get back in emotional balance. You are able to enjoy life again.

And isn’t that what life should be about?

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


August 10, 2009

Divorced Women’s Need for an Escape

Filed under: Escape,Goals,Happy,Passion,Peaceful,Rejuvenated — Tags: , , , — Christia @ 1:31 pm

It’s amazing how powerful an escape from reality can be. Even if just for a few days.

You are working hard to juggle all the changes for your new life. Positive changes, but changes none the less.

It’s very demanding on you mentally and physically. And at some point, you are going to need to step away from your “life”, and take a breather.

But the benefits are astounding!

  • You have a renewed passion for making your Dream Life a reality
  • You are calm, relaxed and peaceful
  • You can see your goals clearly again.
  • Not to mention the change in environment can be good for your ego!  (Insert imagination here.)

I just got back from a short trip to the wine country in Sonoma and Napa Valleys in California. The experience was peaceful, beautiful, and restful. I feel whole again. I’m rejuvenated, and ready to finish what I’ve started. I’m back on track to making my Dream Life a reality.

I’m also reminded how visually beautiful life can be. It’s good to be reminded. You can’t improve on Nature. She’s bigger than all of us. But sometimes we get so wrapped up in what seems like an insurmountable task, that we don’t appreciate the beauty and blessings around us. We loose sight of them, along with our goals. But when we step back and take a breath, we can see clearly again, and we remember how much we want to make our goals reality.

It really is possible. It can be done.

AND YOU’RE WORTH IT! GET BACK ON TRACK! MAKE IT HAPPEN!

IT’S YOUR TURN!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


August 3, 2009

How to Have Good Habits For Health

Filed under: Good Habits,Healthy,Healthy Eating — Tags: , — Christia @ 12:43 pm

Here are some good habits to dial into your daily routine to promote healthy eating in your life. Not glamourous, but effective!

When you are already prepping veggies for something else, make enough of your favorites to store in a zipped bag in the refrigerator. Get one of those large containers of Greek plain 2% yogurt, and mix your favorite dip mix into it.  Now get in the habit of putting a plate of veggies on your counter in the kitchen. When you know you’re going to be in the area for a while, take out the dip. Eat some. You can leave the veggies out most of the day. Make a point to snack on them. (Of course, the dip can’t stay out all day.)

The yogurt dip is far more beneficial to your body that a sour cream version, and more stable. It will last longer at room temperature. And you won’t be able to tell the difference in taste. Seriously! Greek yogurt is a fabulous substitute for sour cream. And you get all the health and digestive benefits from the calcium and probiotics. And for some veggies, like carrots, the nutrients are better absorbed when eaten with fat, like that in the 2% yogurt dip.

Another good habit is to make a fruit salad in the morning and leave it on the counter with a fork near by. Prep once and eat all day.

These are great ways of getting kids, and yourself, to eat more fruits and vegetables. They tend to eat more when there is easy access. And so will you!

Get into the habit of making fruit and veggies easier to snack on. I say let’s make health easier on ourselves, shall we?

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


July 30, 2009

How Divorced Women Keep Mentally Fit

Filed under: Confidence,Discipline,Learning,Personal power — Tags: — Christia @ 11:11 am

It’s so important that you are constantly learning something new.

It stimulates your brain, your curiosity, and your interest in life.

Whether it is a foreign language, a new skill for your career, or something new in the “amazing – frustrating- world of computers”, you need to be learning something.

I’m learning how to build a website, edit it, and  manage it on my own. I feel like I’m in labor with another child. Literally! It’s painful at times, but I will be more self sufficient for it. That’s worth the pain, right?

I’m sure, in time, my selective memory will kick in and I’ll forget the hair raising shrieks that escaped from my mouth during this process.

I must admit though, I’m feeling more powerful with my increasing knowledge. Pretty soon I will be Super Website Woman!  Ok, maybe not.

But that’s my goal right now. To feel better about myself each and every day.

And it builds on itself. Self confidence builds exponentially.  It’s magic!  And we are focusing on rebuilding ours after divorce.

Learning something new each day feeds that growth.

  • Read something inspirational at the end of each day.
  • Sign up for a new class or seminar on something relevant to your business or interests.
  • Practice vocab for the foreign language you’ve chosen to learn.
  • Cook a new recipe for dinner.

Your Declaration:

“I commit to learning something new each and every day!”

Now DO IT!  It’s Your Turn!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


July 21, 2009

Divorced Women’s Definition of SELFISH

Filed under: Change,Courage,Divorced Women,Selfish Women — Christia @ 7:14 pm

Ok, finally, here is the meaning of SELFISH, as in The Most Selfish Woman in America:

S – being selfish for a change, thinking of yourself first, not last anymore, because IT’S YOUR TURN! Dammit!

E - living an energetic lifestyle

L – laughing, enjoying life, and choosing a positive response to life

F – feeding your body with clean, lean, natural foods

I - intelligence – feeding your mind and soul through traveling, learning and loving

S – being the successful, powerful woman you were meant to be

H – being happy with yourself and the new life you’ve created.

That’s my definition of SELFISH.

It is truly being a dynamic, powerful woman who enjoys life to the fullest. It’s teaching others to do the same. It’s spreading the word that we can all be that vibrant force we were born to be.

Newly divorced women need to hear this message. They need to be reminded that they can rise up out of the darkness, and be the fabulous person they were meant to be.

Somehow we get lost in our “life.” We get lost in our job as mother, comforter, protector, nurturer, wife. Then, when that period of our life is over, we aren’t quite sure how we got “lost” in the first place. It happened so fast. With no warning. That’s all we know.

Well not any more! Things have changed. Quickly! So it’s time to regroup, and think of yourself first for a change.

It’s time to live my definition of SELFISH! And with no regrets! The term SELFISH is only offensive to those who don’t know what I’m talking about. And they aren’t a part of this conversation.

It is about pulling yourself up, and living the life you were always meant to live. To be the person God meant for you to be. To be a leader, not a victim.

And you can achieve all of this if you have the courage to trust yourself, and believe you can be the best woman you can be. It’s all in your control!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


July 13, 2009

How To Find Success and Happiness With CPR

Filed under: CPR,Dream Life,Goals — Christia @ 11:47 am

I read the perfect advice yesterday for being successful and happy. It was written by Jeff Herring, who calls himself a “recovering marriage and family therapist.”

He said in order to be successful at anything in life, you need to take the “CPR Approach.”

CPR stands for consistent, persistent, and resistant.

Consistent – in our actions

Persistent –  in our drive, and

Resistant - to set backs and all those who may tell us we can’t do it!

How true is that! It’s so hard to keep that determination and drive we initially build in ourselves to make important changes in our lives. Life happens, and chisels away at our commitment when we are at our weakest.

It takes constant belief and trust in ourselves to build the momentum needed for change. It also takes total commitment.

But it’s hard to be totally committed to a goal when it’s not clear in your mind. Back to visualizing your Dream Life and exactly what it looks like.

When you have a clear picture of the kind of lifestyle and career  you want to achieve, it becomes tangible. Real. Yours.

What would make you want to get up in the morning, with a big smile on your face? What would make life worth living? What would make you passionate about each day? Answer these questions, and you’ve got your goal!

Promise yourself that you will be Consistent in your actions, Persistent in your drive, and Resistant to set backs.

And to hell with those who tell you you can’t achieve your Dream Life! They don’t know the New You!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


July 10, 2009

Emotional Reality of Divorced Women

Filed under: Attitude,Change,Chaos,Divorced Women,Negativity — Christia @ 10:30 pm

Don’t you just hate it when you discover that you are human?

You go along being the strong one… deflecting the incoming… cleaning up the debris.

Then all of the sudden you are the emotional one. You, the one who never lets them see you cry… and yet now it just takes over without asking! What’s that about?

Now is when you have to put your hands up and say  ”Take it God!  I need your help!”

I’ve always prided myself on being bullet proof when it come to emotional control. But lately, I’m being humbled. The amount of change that has hit me all at once seems really BIG.

I’m sure this is a lesson that I needed to learn. But, damn, I hate it! It Hurts! And I don’t like “Hurts!” And I don’t like to cry. I look UGLY when I cry. I say again, UGLY!

I’m so tired of this sh**. I got a divorce trying to get away from any more of this sh**. And the reality is, you can’t escape it. As long as you have mutual children, you can’t escape. That is the hard, fast reality of marrying the wrong person. Even divorcing them isn’t good enough!

But you know what? I will no longer choose to participate in his chaos. It sucks the life out of me, and I have consciously made the decision not to live like that any more. Ever!

I don’t want to perpetuate that negative, ugly way of living. I will never participate again. That is my promise to myself.

Yes, I may be hurt again, but I will still choose to respond with a positive attitude. If I don’t, who will? If I don’t lead by example, again, who will?

The time to change is now! It is time to be a SELFISH WOMAN who chooses to respond to life in a positive way. To enjoy life to the fullest, no matter what. To put myself first!

You can’t do that if your panties are in a wad. Period!

Enough said.

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


July 2, 2009

How To Survive The Insanity of Divorce

Filed under: Change,Dream Life,Happy,Negativity,Old Tapes — Tags: , , , , — Christia @ 12:35 pm

Isn’t it amazing how all of the sudden you wake up one day and your whole life is changing…again?

You know, that time period between the divorce and your finally being on your own, literally?

It comes in phases.

Phase I:  the actual divorce and your ex moving out

Phase II: the recovery period, where you try to catch your breath and make sense of it all

Phase III: when you start to see the beauty of your future, and focus on achieving your Dream Life

Phase IV: when your children start moving out, for what ever reason, and you’re OK with it.

The order of the last two can interchange. But it’s amazing how fast that time passes…

None of us can completely control how this unfolds, because there are too many factors involved that you don’t have control over. Like how other people will act or react to what has happened to your family. The dynamics of that are volatile.  Depending on how hurt the feelings are of the participants dictates how rough the transition will be.

Hopefully you will have the time you need in each phase to be emotionally ready for the next one.

But the reality is that you can wake up one day and get thrown into a phase that you are not ready for.

You are going along, thinking you have a handle on the changes that your life has taken. Then all of the sudden, you get hit in the head with, yet again, another big change. Damn! How long is this going to keep happening? Enough already!

Brace yourself:  Your survival technique has to be go with the flow.The more you fight the inevitable, the harder your life becomes. And usually people fight the inevitable because they want to think they can control everything, or they don’t want to face the change.

Remember, once the change has been initiated, things will never go back to what they once were, no matter now much you fight against it, or for it.

You have to accept the fact that you can only control how you are going to respond to what happens, not what happens!

The sooner you learn this lesson, the sooner you can control the type of life you will live.

Make the conscious choice to respond positively to whatever life dishes out. You need to enjoy life on a daily basis. You never know what tomorrow will bring, especially if your recent history is any indication!

You have to break that unhappy cycle. You have to decide that you are not going to participate in the negative anymore. It’s all up to you!

Remember, it’s your turn to be happy for a change. It’s your turn to be a SELFISH WOMAN! YOU DESERVE IT!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


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