May 12, 2009

How To Be The Most Selfish Woman in America!

Filed under: Divorced Women — Tags: , , , , — Christia @ 12:30 pm

Ok, it’s time… time to become a Selfish Woman.

Time to start thinking of Yourself first for a change. Time to stop putting Yourself on the back burner. Time to take control of Your future!

You know who you are…the newly divorced, mid life woman who has been serving everyone else in her world but herself. Your kids are either sprouting wings and flying the coop, or just about to. You have either been a stay home Mom, or juggling being a Mom and working for the almighty dollar.

And chances are you don’t even like your job anymore. It’s not what you always dreamed you would be doing. And it’s safe to say your Life didn’t turn out the way you imagined… well, never fear! I’m here to help!

Now… I’m thinking you’ve lost about 200 lbs. recently…in the form of a man, am I right? You are reevaluating your life, and wondering how you ever got here in the first place. Well, I’m with you, Sister!

But don’t worry, I’m here to teach you how to become a Selfish Woman. A Woman who chooses to be a happy, positive and dynamic force, because she is worth it! Not a sad, vengeful, and bitter person. We don’t need any more of those in the world.

I will help you become the vibrant, powerful and successful person you were meant to be. The real you that just got lost in that “old life”  you are now breaking free from.

Think about it this way:  Your divorce is the best thing that ever happened to You!

Really! Whatever the reason, the reality is that it happened. And for it to have happened, you were no longer being treated or respected the way you deserve. Period. It doesn’t matter if it was fair, right, wrong, whatever. The fact is that your relationship would have never gone back to the way it was in the “good days”. He will never change, and you can’t make him. It doesn’t work that way.

Now, to be clear, there are two types of women in this situation:  the one who tried to keep the marriage together for whatever reason, i.e. kids, love, etc., and the one who caused the divorce in the first place.  This blog is for the former. The latter can go on with her day. Bubye!

Now, back to what we are here for. This will be a journey for all of us. But this will be one of the best jouneys you’ve ever had. The outcome will be a more powerful, successful, vivacious You, who chooses to be happy, positive, and enjoy Life.

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman In America!


August 5, 2010

For the Thrill of It

Filed under: Confidence, Divorced Women, Peaceful, Thrill — Christia @ 10:50 pm

I know I’ve talked about this before, and definitely in my book, The Most Selfish Woman in America, How to Make Your Divorce the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You!

You need to do something that takes your breath away!

I’m talking about one of those experiences where you find yourself squealing like a little girl . . . OK, work with me here!

This week I took “flight” on a Skycoaster. It is a cross between skydiving and hang-gliding on the end of a cable. You are harnessed onto the end of a very long cable and pulled up 183 feet to the top of a very tall pole. Then after you make peace with what you must do, you pull a “rip cord” and start diving/falling straight towards the ground until the cable swings you out and up to it’s pinnacle. Then you fall back from wince you came, just to do it all again. You swing like a pendulum, back and forth, until your momentum is completely spent, and you are left dangling and in awe.

The whole experience is thrilling and invigorating! And yet, somehow you feel peaceful when it’s over. It’s like being pushed to the edge and then finding a calmness in the aftermath.

I did this at Schlitterbaun in New Braunfels, Texas, but I’m sure you can find them nation-wide. I’ve also seen similar rigs at ranches that offer team-building challenge courses, so I know they are out there.

It’s worth finding one in your area. It’s not expensive and well worth the thrill. And this is exactly the kind of activity I’m encouraging you to do. Step outside of your comfort zone and do something that will take your breath away! You need experiences like this to catapult you out of your old life and into your new life. It is very symbolic, not to mention confidence building.

It is important to live each day on purpose! Enjoy each day to the fullest! Experience as much life as you possibly can!

It’s your turn!  It’s your time!  You deserve it!

Now, Go Girl, Go!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!



May 18, 2010

Set Yourself Free – Choose Your Feelings

Filed under: Attitude, Change, Confidence, Courage, Dream Life, Emotional Needs, Goals, Happy, Negativity, New Attitude, Personal power, Self confidence — Christia @ 11:34 am

We live for feelings. That’s why we do what we do in the first place – for the feeling it give us.

Whether it is for the thrill, the fear, the peace, the turmoil, the happiness or the sadness (which I really don’t get) we base decisions on how an action will make us feel.

It’s not the act of acquiring things, it’s the feeling we get when we do so. It’s not the accomplishment we make, it’s how it makes us feel when we have accomplished something.

Think about it – when we do something nice for someone, it makes us feel good. And yes, there are people out there that will be mean to someone and it makes them feel good. Evil, I know, but true none the less.

So if feelings dictate actions, we can satisfy the feelings we want and need by our actions. We can choose how we are going to feel.

If you are at a place in your life where you are making big changes in your daily existence, you can choose how successful those changes are going to be by your actions. You can choose your actions by how they are going to make you feel. If every decision gets closer and closer to your Dream Life, you are going to feel happy, empowered and alive! And with the accomplishment of each stage of change, you will be building positive momentum that will carry you even faster toward your goal.

Feelings can be good. Feelings can be a great motivator. But feelings can also suck the life out of you. What you must learn is that you have complete control over how you are going to feel. No one can make you feel guilty but yourself. No one can make you feel inferior but yourself. Only YOU can accept those feelings. If you don’t accept them, you don’t feel them! It’s that easy! Did I just bury the lead???

The most empowering thing you can do for yourself is set yourself free! Free from all those negative, life-sucking, energy-draining feelings other people have tried to instill in you for their own purpose. You can’t be a power to contend with if you are weak and sad. You are much easier to dominate if you are subservient and powerless.

To HELL with that!

You don’t ever have to feel that again! Ever! You can choose to accept those feelings or you can choose to never accept those feelings again! Period!

Most of the pain and sadness we harbor is of our own choosing. For some reason we choose to hang on to memories that make us feel that way. But we don’t have to! We can release ourselves from those feelings and refuse to accept them anymore.

Yes, we all have had sad things happen in our past, and yes, the event was sad. But you don’t have to continue to be sad over the memory. It doesn’t change the outcome of the past, but it does change the outcome of the future.

Set yourself free! Choose your feelings! Choose how happy you are going to be! Choose how successful you are going to be! It is all in your control!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


May 11, 2010

Happiness Is In Your Control

Filed under: Attitude, Divorced Women, Happy, New Attitude, Selfish Women — Christia @ 3:40 pm

In my acronym for the word SELFISH in The Most Selfish Woman in America, the letter L is for Laughter. It’s all about enjoying life and choosing a positive attitude. Because that IS your choice.

Attitude is everything! I repeat:  Attitude is everything!

It’s what separates the good from the bad, the strong from the weak, the happy from the sad.

And happiness is a choice, not a side effect of a circumstance. It is all in your control.

You can dictate the outcome of almost any situation by how you choose to respond to it.

The way you react to what happens to you is completely in your control. Yes, bad things happen to good people. Life happens to everybody! But the way we respond to it reveals our true character.

You can choose to whine and pout, still not changing what has already happened, and making yourself feel miserable. Or you can choose a positive response to a bad situation, making yourself feel less of a victim, and more in control of the outcome. This choice will accelerate your recovery from whatever life dishes out.

You will never make a successful recovery from your divorce if you continue to feed energy to that old phase of your life. Every time you talk about it, you are perpetuating it’s power over you and giving it a life line. And it doesn’t deserve it! Flip off that life support Sister! Quick!

The sooner you take that power away from your old life, the sooner you will feel the positive power of your new choices. Like I said, happiness is a choice, not a side effect.

It’s good to be happy for a change! It’s good to feel in control! It’s good to be a SELFISH WOMAN!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


May 7, 2010

The Magic Of A Quick Getaway

Filed under: Escape, Goals, Rejuvenated, Travel — Christia @ 12:24 pm

How great is it to get away? Even if it is only for a short time. I love to travel. The escape factor is so exhilarating!

That break from daily life can work magic. It can get you back on track with a renewed interest.

Sometimes we start drifting through our days, loosing focus and not being as productive toward our goals. It’s easy to do. Routine can be good, but it can also lull you into inefficiency. This is when a weekend getaway can do wonders.

A few days at a spa with the girls, a weekend shopping in another city, basking on a beach somewhere, going to a concert in Vegas or New York City… insert your getaway here.

When I travel, I feel more alive. My creative juices start flowing. I get out of my little world and see what other people see. I get inspired by the experience itself. And I always learn something new. Never fails. Which is part of the beauty of traveling. I come home more enlightened and more energized. Then I ride that wave back into my own life.

If you don’t go overboard financially, you can go more often. Yes, I love to go to Europe or scuba diving for a few weeks at a time, but it’s the short trips that breathe new life into my creativity.

When you are working toward a goal, which for me is my dream life, it’s easy to get tired. You are constantly thinking and planning how to accomplish that goal. Sometimes the research alone can make you feel like you are not achieving anything. Sometimes it makes you feel like there is too much to learn for you to stick to the time frame you have given yourself to accomplish your goal.

That’s when a short trip is needed. Badly!

Try it. Even if you just get in the car and to go the next town, give yourself a break from your norm and get away. It will clear your head. You will have time to look at things more objectively. You will see where you have been spending your energies. You will redirect your focus. Your goal will become clear to you again. And you will get back on track.

Ah, the magic of a quick getaway!

Do it! Because you are worth it! It’s your turn!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


April 13, 2010

Getting Back to Your Fabulous Self Update

Filed under: Confidence, Energetic lifestyle, Exercise, Happy, Healthy Eating — Christia @ 10:12 am

After seven days of my magic “elixir” and protein regiment, I lost five pounds. Yes, it was mostly water weight, but I needed to get that off my body so I could see what really needs to be done.

Now I know what I have to do next. Luckily I like exercising and being active. I feel energetic and vibrant when I’m consistently power-walking and lifting weights. I think more clearly and sleep more deeply. So, back to my power-walking five times a week, and lifting free weights three times a week.

And none too soon. Shorts and bathing suits are peaking out from the depths the closet, and I’m not ready! But I will be if it kills me!

I’m also going to stick with eating small meals four times a day. I am so motivated by the results I had from the first seven days that I’m going to continue the same regiment and add fruit. I’ll do this until I get to the size I want. Remember the more different colors you eat in a day the better.

I am actually looking forward to getting up in the mornings and getting at it again. I’m excited about how much better I’m feeling and how much more energized I am. I don’t work well with that sluggish feeling. It makes me grumpy. And it’s hard to feel sassy when you feel grumpy!

To recap, 2-3 oz. of lean protein and 1 cup of veggies four times a day, about every three hours. Drink 100 oz. of water each day. I put a little cayenne pepper and fresh lemon juice to the water. The cayenne increases your metabolism and the fresh lemon juice has a natural diuretic effect. And now I’m also adding about 1/2 cup of fruit each time. Good fruit choices are berries of all kinds, pineapple, papaya, grapefruit, cherries, kiwi, mango and melon. Stick with the fruits of the season.

The fresh fruits and vegetables will have an energizing effect on your body, which in turn will make you feel vibrant and renewed. Behold the power of food!

So there you go. If it works for me, it will work for you. You just have to plan ahead and be prepared to take your meals and water where ever you go. It’s just as easy to take two storage containers with food to work as it is one. It’s also easy to plan your meals around meetings or carpool.

Also, when you need to eat out with family or for business, don’t sweat it. Just enjoy yourself, then get back on your eating plan. Consistency is the key. Your splurging now and again isn’t going to ruin your progress. It might even help keep you motivated!

Don’t ever beat yourself up for “falling off the wagon.” Just get back on! There is no room for guilt here. It’s fun to splurge now and again. It’s natural. It makes life fun.

But the confidence and pleasure you get when you take control of your body and your life is also fun! Try it!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


April 11, 2010

Let Others Inspire Your Re-Invention

Filed under: Confidence, Divorced Women, Dream Life, Goals, New Attitude, Personal power, Re-invention, Selfish Women — Christia @ 9:22 am

It’s important to be inspired by other successful people. You know, the ones who created something from nothing. They conquered their fear of the unknown and created their own special vision for their life.

Whether it was creating a non-profit organization, a specialty retail business or deciding to share wisdom they learned from their own experiences, they are considered entrepreneurs. The word entrepreneur comes from the French word to “undertake.”

When you re-invent yourself, you “undertake” a new vision for your future. You dare to see yourself differently. That can be scary.

But the reality is “why not?” Why not live the life you dream of living? Why not do exactly what YOU want to do, not what someone else wants you to do? Because as you recall, IT’S YOUR TURN!

You are lucky enough to get a second chance to make your dream a reality. You are lucky enough to know by now what your strengths are and how to make them shine. You are wise enough to know that the outcome is in your control. It’s all in how you choose to respond. And you aren’t going to let anyone totally control you again, am I right?

When you create a career or business that will enable you to be independent, you will see the world differently. You will be stronger, happier and successful in everything you do. You will bring your own personal power to the table with each new adventure. You will be a Selfish Woman in the true positive sense of the word.

You will handle situations with the confidence that has been hidden inside you all this time. You will be prepared to deal with anything that comes your way. You are stronger and more in control. Now THAT’S what I’m talking about!

It’s there… inside you… waiting to get out!  Let your true SELF shine!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!



April 5, 2010

Getting Back to Your Fabulous Self

Filed under: Divorced Women — Christia @ 11:35 am

This is my favorite time of the year. I wake up to the birds singing. Really! It stinks when I want to sleep late, but otherwise it’s fabulous.

Open the windows, trim the plants, get the cushions back on the deck furniture, look in the mirror… OH MY GOD! Who’s THAT!

The winter has not been very good to me.

Should I choose to list all the reason why the Winter has not been good to me, we would hear the faint sound of violins playing in the background which would increase in volume as my excuses got more dramatic.

But the bottom line, and I mean bottom, is that now it’s time to do damage control. FAST!

Everything about Spring is inspiring. The plants and animals come back to life, the days get longer and there is growth all around.  I always feel revitalized and motivated this time of the year.

But think about this:  recovering from divorce is a lot like coming out of the darkness of Winter and moving into the light of Spring. It’s like being brought back from the dead and being given a new chance to live.

Symbolic, don’t you think?

But (or should I say butt) back to the bottom line. Spring is also a time to clean up our act. The house, the yard and our waistlines. You handle the first two, and let’s talk about the last one…

I need to get my body’s attention! Snap it out of the comma it has been in. So I’ve created a plan of attack and here it is.

I am focusing on nutrients and protein. I am making an “elixir” of veggies to eat for the next five day. And for protein, I’m going to eat two to three ounces of fish, eggs or chicken four times a day. I will also drink 100 ounces of water each day. Some of the water will have fresh lemon juice and a little cayenne pepper mixed in. The lemon and cayenne, along with the shear volume of water acts as a diuretic, as does the elixir. I will post the recipe for the elixir on the Eating on Purpose page.

So that means, doing the math, if I don’t eat past 7:00 p.m., I would eat every three hours. Now I will be the first to say that this will take some planning! I tend to get busy and forget to eat. So I will make a big pot of elixir and precook my protein ahead of time. I will also plan around working and meetings. But for five days I can do anything. And to get back to my fabulous self will be well worth it.

The goal is to clean out my system and rev it up at the same time. And if this doesn’t do it, I don’t know what will!

With this approach, I will still be giving my body well needed nutrients and sustain my muscle mass while purging out the sludge collected over the Winter. It will also get me back into the habit of eating clean, lean, unprocessed foods.

I am not a believer in complete fasting. For those of us who have ruined our metabolism from yo-yo dieting over the years, fasting can do you more harm than good. Once you start back eating, your body stores more fat incase you get the crazy idea of fasting again! I hate it when my body tries to protect me from me!

I’m going to get back into my cute Spring clothes if it kills me (or heals me!)

Join me, won’t you?

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


March 23, 2010

Recovering From Divorce is Like Recovering From Surgery!

Filed under: Divorced Women, Healing, This too will pass... — Christia @ 12:45 pm

I make a terrible patient!

I admit it – I’m the worst! To expect me to stay down for two weeks is insane. To expect me to not bend over for four weeks is absurd. To expect me not to exercise for six weeks is down right crazy!

But when you look at the big picture, it is so worth it!

Just like reinventing yourself… it may be hard to stick with the initial changes necessary for a complete recovery, but if you do, the rewards are exponential.

Same with recovering from divorce.  I don’t know about you, but I had to surgically remove my Ex from my house and my life, and I’m still recovering!

The similarities are creepy.  Physically and emotionally being down for the count… literally feeling physically unable to keep up, emotionally spent and completely exhausted.

But remember this: with every day that passes, you are getting stronger and closer to a full recovery. Really! I’m proof!

Now I must admit that I get really board and antsy when I have to take it easy, for anything. Vacation is one thing, I can get into that, but down for 6 weeks… that’s another thing altogether.

But that healing time is necessary, and if you try to circumvent the process, it will come back and bite you in the butt. HARD!

If you don’t give yourself the necessary healing time from a divorce, just like with surgery, you will never heal properly. You need that time alone to search your soul for what you really want out of life. You need to think of your wants, desires and aspirations first for a change.  You need to lick your wounds, and give yourself time to “mourn the dream”.

This process can’t be rushed.  If you do, you may very well end up in the same situation you were lucky enough to escape from. Our goal is to learn from your mistakes, not repeat them.

This necessary time for healing will pass… and you will be better, stronger and wiser for it.

Don’t forget:  IT’S YOUR TURN! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


February 1, 2010

How to Be More Effective by Being More Selective

Filed under: Attitude, Over Commitment — Christia @ 4:12 pm

I used to feel that if everything in my world didn’t turn out perfectly, it was due to my not trying hard enough. Can you say “Control Freak!” Now honestly, who can live up to those standards all the time? NO ONE!

And as soon as I accepted that reality, to relinquish control, I was completely liberated! It’s amazing! Life is so much easier now.

Relinquishing control doesn’t only include controlling the outcome of everything, it also includes feeling the need to be apart of everything.  I only do what I want to do now.  If it’s fundraising, it’s because I want to.  If it’s donating my time to a project, it’s because I want to. And I don’t mind taking the lead, if I can do it my way. Otherwise, I’m busy.

The days of solving everyone else’s problems are over. I only offer advice or my opinion when asked, or when I just can’t help myself. I don’t participate unless I really want to.  As for causes I don’t feel strongly about: instead of taking over when I see deficiencies, which is often, I just back away slowly as to not attract attention. Or I run, run like a wild Ubangi! I also don’t belong to committees anymore. Ugh! There’s too much “discussing” and not enough “doing.”  I’d rather just have my nails pulled out one by one! OR just not participate, preferably the latter.

I don’t know why I use to take things so personally. Unhappy in my life, I guess. Basically, “If anyone can fix it, it’s me!” Whether self imposed or not, “I must not be trying hard enough to make it work.” I felt like I had failed if I couldn’t “fix it”.  How ridiculous is that?

But I don’t want to live that way anymore.  I want to enjoy everything I do. Life is too short for me to try to fix other people. I have my hands full with my own self.

I highly recommend releasing the world to the powers that be. Contribute to the causes you feel strongly about. Participate in situations where you feel you will make a difference.  And let the rest go. Don’t accept all the offers presented to you. You know you don’t want to do all of them anyway. Be selective in how you spend your time.

You will more effective if you are more selective.

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


January 15, 2010

Take a Breath!

Filed under: CPR, Chaos, This too will pass... — Christia @ 4:02 pm

Don’t you just hate stupid people? I mean really!

It doesn’t matter how careful you are about the people you surround yourself with, occasionally someone will slip through the cracks and stun you with their idiocy.

Just breath… just breath… this too will pass… ( I guess it’s the same as counting to 10 before you react, or overreact in my case.)

Like I’ve said before, it’s time to refuse to get sucked into other people’s chaos. If they want to live like that, fine, but I’m not participating. Period!

These are the kinds of things that test your resolve, and your new way of responding to life. But I think a little CPR is in order…

Remember, CPR stands for consistent, persistent, and resistant, and I could use a little of all three right now. (Jeff Herring was a genius to come up with this.)

I need to be consistent in the way I choose to respond to “annoyances”, shall we say. I need to be persistent in not getting caught up in their chaos. And I need to be resistant to their trying to get me caught up in their chaos.

You have to be on guard when it comes to this kind of person. They thrive on stirring up trouble. They enjoy being in everybody’s business, or suggesting possible scandal, or sensationalizing other people’s weaknesses. Granted, we all know this kind of behavior is to divert the focus off their own insecurities, but it gets really annoying to continually have to deal with their nonsense.  I say let’s ban them all from existence! How great would that be!

But alas, we can’t.  So, we have to get good at applying CPR to our daily life.  It will keep you strong, determined, and committed to your goals.  It will help keep you from diverting your focus, and slugging someone. Although I know that sometimes you just want to do the latter…

Just think – each time you don’t slug someone, you are getting stronger, and more in control of your life! I know that doesn’t always make you feel better at the time, but that inner strength builds on itself each time you use it.

Think of it as winning! Take your victory lap! You didn’t succumb! You didn’t get sucked in! Now that’s what I’m talking about!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!


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